youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
