Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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