I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize