I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
