your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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