why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
