Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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