y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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