Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
