It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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