I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
