I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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