i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
