We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Terrible idea I love it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
