oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
