Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think i have two assholes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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