You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
