Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
