I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
