You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
