im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Still dying that you shit outside
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
