He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
