1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize