I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
