fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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