i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
