If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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