Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
