the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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