i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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