we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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