Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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