i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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