I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
