i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
