the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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