Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
