oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
