yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
