two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
