It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
