I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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