Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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