dude i'm inner monologue high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
