I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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