please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
