I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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