Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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