dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
