Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
