OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
