the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
