and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize