11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
