you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
