Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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