He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
