im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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