Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize