OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
