Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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