I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
