Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
