I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
