erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could fuck to npr.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
