Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
