Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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