now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
