SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
