You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
