I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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