I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and she was petting her beer can
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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