Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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