If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
soo... how was my night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
