Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
