people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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