I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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