Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
