Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
