She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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