butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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